Sunday, August 27, 2006

Fun With Google

Apparently an overwhelming majority of my referrals from Goggle comes from the term "asshole thumbs".

In that case: thumbs up assholes rim job big dick anus sphincter big cock deep bareback eating ass dirty fingers fisting dirty blowhole big cocks in tight assholes ass to mouth anilingus dildo shit on my chest

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Record Review: Hard Ons - Most People Are A Waste of Time

It pains me to say this, but ‘Most People Are A Waste of Time’ is a tightly coiled, fly-ridden stool. The Hard Ons are the patriarchs of Australian punk rock. Where their seminal early LPs were rich with amateurish melody, rudimentary musicianship and vulgar humour, ‘Most People Are A Waste of Time’ is plagued by out of tune vocals and weighed down by bloated attempts at atmospheric prog rock bludgeoning.

When the Hard Ons hung up their boots after 1993’s ‘Too Far Gone’, they should have remained in retirement, basking in their past glories, revelling in the cult fan base they’d amassed on the back of classic pop punk records like ‘Yummy’ and ‘Dickcheese’. Sure ‘Too Far Gone’ prognosticated a prog rock inclination that would characterize their post-comeback output, but it was still predominantly idiot-savant pop punk.

Quite frankly, guitarist and vocalist, Blackie, can’t hold a tune. Sure he possesses an intimidating bellow, can shred with the best of them and does one of the best hair windmills in rock. But his attempts at mimicking the nasally intonation of ex-singer Keish, is like fingernails meeting a chalk board. His vocals may be suited to swirling hard rock tracks (‘What Would Stiv Bators Do?’, ‘I’ll Get Thrush or Something’ and ‘Poorest Kid On The Block’) but his vocals on saccharine pop punk tracks like ‘I’m Hurt, I’m In Pain’, ‘Knowing My Luck’ and ‘The Ballad of Katrin Cartlidge’ are completely void of melody and distinctly painful.

Most People Are A Waist of Time’s only tolerable tracks – ‘There Goes One of The Creeps That Hassled My Girlfriend’ and ‘Stop Crying’ – are the two that ex-drummer and vocalist, Keish, provides vocals for. Keish’s nasally inflection was the archetype for many a pop punk band to come. Wanna know where Italian pop punk darlings The Manges plagiarised their schtick, listen to stellar tracks like ‘Raining’, ‘Where Did She Come From’ or ‘Surf On My Face’. In fact, don’t bother tracking down ‘Most People Are A Waste of Time’, track down the aforementioned tracks and the LPs they come from.

Record Review: Modern Machines - Take It, Somebody!

There’s a certain manner in which you have to approach a Modern Machines album. You have to give it some time to become ingrained in your brain. Let it ferment in your cranium. After a month or two of repeat listens, the veiled melodies will reveal themselves, attach themselves to subconscious. Before long, listening to one of their LPs, and ‘Take It, Somebody’ is no exception, the songs will feel inherent. Like something you listened to as a child, long repressed in your memory. You’ll find yourself reflexively mouthing the chorus to ‘Why I Be Leavin’’, air strumming the opening chords to ‘Flash Infatuation’. It’s a special feat, almost intangible, impossible to premeditate.

The Modern Machines’ riffy take on Midwestern punk is instilled with crude backing vocals and laden with melody. Equally inspired by Toys That Kill and traditional country music, ‘Take It, Somebody!’ is equal parts buzzsaw energy and harmonized shitkicker twang.

Opening with an ominous harmonica bellow, ‘Take It, Somebody’ is earthier than their previous LPs. It still exhibits the same levels of lively melody and coarse production, but ‘Get It Right’, ‘You’re Getting Married’ and ‘Cause I Do’ ratchet the tempo down a notch.

But the record goes through a series of peaks and troughs. Where the aforementioned tracks expose a contemplative, melancholy underbelly, ‘Flash Infatuation’, ‘Elegy For Love’ and ‘(Can’t Let You) Slip Through My Hands’ will have you running up walls in a cacophonous frenzy.

While not a faultless record, or even of the same calibre of their outstanding debut ‘Thwap!’, it does bode well for the future. This sentiment is substantiated by their move to the more fertile pastures of Dirtnap Records.

Make Up Your Own Mind
Flash Infatuation